By Georg Vilhjálmsson
A guide to manners of backpackers and hikers all over the galaxy
Chapter one
When meeting fellow backpackers it is polite to throw a greeting at them, like saying hello or good day to you. If you get no response you were probably not understood so this person must be from a galaxy far far away. In my hikes over the years I have met a lot of these people.
Chapter two
When you come across someone injured or laying on the ground it is polite to offer assistance. If you get “yes” then assist the best you can and then continue on your journey. If you get “no” then continue on with your journey and wish them good luck with a grin on your face.
Chapter three
If you come across a dead person and there is nothing you can do to revive that person take a GPS point and notify the authorities. If you don’t have a GPS (global positioning system) get one a.s.a.p. so you can take that damn position.
Chapter four
If you have to take a shit on your hiking trip then it is very appreciated that you go off the trail and bury your treasures. There is nothing worse than to launch your foot into a pile of human leftovers.
P.s. that hasn’t happened to me ...................................yet.
Chapter five
Don’t pee in your shoe, it’s a short time solution and in the end you will be worse off than before.
Chapter six
When it feels like you have hiked 10 km and climbed 1000 meters then divide it by pi ( 3,1415) and then you get the actual distance.
Chapter seven
There is no use leaving a breadcrumb trail in the winter time, either birds will eat the trail or snow might cover it or even both. Either way you are screwed.
Chapter eight
To experience adventure, mountaineering and awesome scenery, get your fat lazy butt off the couch. You won’t experience anything in front of the TV.
Chapter nine
If you ever find yourself wondering if you are a serious hiker or not, there is a test to find out. Check your legs (shins) for a bald spot where you tie the shoelaces on your hiking boots. If you find one then you probably have done some amount of hiking.
Chapter ten
Glacier hiking. When you are glacier hiking you have to be in a line and that calls for some serious patience. When you walk faster than the average bear then you can’t walk up heat. So you get cold (hello! It’s a glacier). Cold and frustration are not a good mix.
So cold + slow hiking
Frustration = short supply of patience
Chapter eleven
To plan a trip. Usually, when I plan trips (bigger trips), I’m not thinking about what day it is .
When you are about to leave and you hear “you’re leaving? But it’s Valentine’s day!” be ready to pay the price. And oh yes, there will be a price!
Chapter twelve
when hiking in ash fall near an active volcano make sure you don't wear any clothes or at least not your favourite ones. Because they will get dirty and hard to wash.
chapter thirteen
Note to self,
When going on a hike at an unknown place study the fucking map on how to get there so you don’t waste precious time driving around.
Do not underestimate the preparation time
chapter fourteen
Dogs can be great partners on a hiking trip, but they have no business being on a glacier, especially when they have crampons on and get that terrible itch behind their ears.
chapter fifteen
If you witness a beautiful sunrise in the western sky, then you really need to cheek your bearing
chapter sixteen
Always take the same way down a mountain, unless others are available or you don’t feel like it.
Tips from friends.
If you find yourself on a mountain in Denmark, then you are probably lost..........Haukur Magnússson
